is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
