I can tuck mytits in my pants
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
