Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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