What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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