Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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