yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
