Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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