Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
