And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
