Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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