im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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