I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
