Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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