I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
