just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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