We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize