....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
