I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
