Hey man sorry I got all grabby
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
