Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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