i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I stole a fireplace last night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Is her dick bigger than yours?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize