Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she told me i tasted like america
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
