Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
