I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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