Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
