did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
