I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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