omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
