he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
