"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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