have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
