Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize