I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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