Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
