everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
