She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize