nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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