how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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