Need sex. Gaining weight.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
