On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
