Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
