He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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