Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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