He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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