Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
