This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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