I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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