Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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