just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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