On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My penis needs a shock collar
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
