It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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