She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You need Xanax blowdarts
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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