I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
