It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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