You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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