he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
