did you get engaged???
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
