god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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