Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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