So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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