i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
