Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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