Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
