He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize