Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
high people should be assigned attendants
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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