He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
barbara walters just said penis...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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