Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
