there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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